Stress

I don't know what stress is like for anyone else. For me it's hell on earth. I get depressed, cry, hate everyone around me, I shake all over and make myself physically ill. I don't remember being this bad until a few years ago. I have anxiety attacks and can't be in large groups of people anymore. Things I used to enjoy, such as going to concerts, clubs and family gatherings have gotten very hard for me.
There are alot of things that cause stress for me. Unfortunately it's almost an everyday occurance for me for me now. If it's bad enough, it wakes me up in the middle of the night so that I can't go back to sleep. I can't explain why I do this. My biggest fear is being put on medication for it. I don't want to be a drugged out zombie because I can't handle crowds or my own checkbook. I don't want to be drugged up because I can't stand shoes in the middle of my floor or the dishes not being done. I'm tired of crying because I preceive things as being hard at the moment. I'm tired of burdening Jared with all my crazy fears and, well just plain craziness.
I can't really express my problems/fears/concerns with friends or family because Jared considers them a private family matter, and I think he likes to think that he can take care of them and make me better on his own. I love him so much for trying, but I'm afraid I might be driving him alittle insane at the same time. And Jayce, the light of my life, he certainly tries too. So I guess I answered my own dilema, I just keep talking to them, so that I don't get all bottled up and worse.

By the way; here's the updated schedule for football:
Sept 19 @ Fort Vancouver 7pm
Sept 26 @ Kelso 7pm
Oct 3 @ Kelso 7pm
Oct 11 @ Mt View 7pm
Oct 17 @ Heritage 4:30pm
Oct 24 @ Kelso 7pm - Homecoming
Oct 31 @ Battleground 7pm